Therapy

For fast-acting relief, try slowing down. 
Lily Tomlin

There is a lot of heavy stuff going on in our lives right now. Big decisions we are being forced to make; changes we do not want to face. I wish I could say we are handling it all with grace and certainty…but… well, sometimes, being a grown-up just really sucks.

In the 2+ years I have had the privilege of knowing Liam Eliot, I have learned that one of the best ways of dealing with the hard things going on in my world is to leave it all behind for a little while and enter into his.


Things are really quite simple over there.

So, today, after we got dressed and finished the chores and took the dog for a walk and watched a show and played with trucks and did some counting and had a snack and took our vitamins and looked at the clock to see it read 10:42 a.m., we decided to finally get around to opening up the play dough we splurged on for Liam’s 2nd birthday (yes- the one in October…sigh).


I am more of a “make your own play dough” sort (bet you never would have guessed that one!) and have whipped up more than a few batches of salt dough in my time, but when faced with a lot of ToysRUs money right after Liam’s birthday and not a lot of things I actually wanted to get my kid from ToysRUs, I finally settled on a genuine play dough set out of nostalgia… then promptly forgot about it.


So, I pulled the tub out of the closet, dumped the toys on the table and told Liam we were going to play with play dough.  “Yay! TATO!” he replied.  Kids love play dough; they are born creators.

Have you ever noticed how it is generally only the adults who have any anxiety about mixing the colors together?  I distinctly remember having to choose one color of dough as the teacher reminded us for the 235th time, “We are only going to take out one color at a time so they do not get mixed up…” and wondering why. What was so bad about mixing the colors up? If anything it made the play-dough more interesting; swirling colors added pizazz. Didn’t grown-ups know anything?

Still.. I found myself fighting the urge to pull the purple dough out of Liam’s hand as he went for the blue. DON’T MIX THE COLORS! my adult mind screamed! But I told it to hush and let my kid squish his blue gator and his purple gator together for kisses. And the world didn’t end.


Go figure.

My favorite thing about doing anything with Lee is that he generally talks the whole time. When he is playing by himself he is very, very quiet but the minute you sit down to get in on the action he starts a running commentary about everything he is doing, everything you are doing, and throws in pretty much every random thought that floats into his brain for good measure.

(He told me he was making a bird…then had to do the sign for bird…then had to do the sign for cat…then had to do the sign for more…)

Yes. I believe my best advice for anyone who is feeling just a bit stressed out or overwhelmed with their life is to sit down and find a toddler to share some play-dough with. It is relaxing, and fun, and costs a lot less than therapy.

Plus, you will probably hear a lot of really funny stories. And get a good dose of cute to boot.

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Love, Love, Love

For you see, each day I love you more
Today more than yesterday and less than tomorrow.
Rosemonde Gerard

Sometimes, I feel like a worn-in mother trapped in a new mama’s body. I don’t quite have the same experience as other novice mothers and often find it hard to relate to their worries and fears. I have only this one little one but so many years of feeding and changing, loving and disciplining, wiping noses, kissing skinned knees, hushing loud voices, playing peek-a-boo and ring- around-the-rosy that it can feel like I have done it all before; that Liam is the last in a long line of children rather than the first of line that has barely begun.

The time when I am most aware of how different this one is, how precious he is to me, how little I really know… is when my boy is sick.

Suddenly, I am timid, unsure of my footing. Suddenly, I need the doctor to tell me what to do; I call my own nurse-mama for advice. I worry and I put my finger under his nose while he sleeps and most of all…  I miss my boy- he is so changed when he is sick. I miss his bright eyes and his silliness. I miss his sweet voice. I miss our adventures.

I was going to have to spend this Valentine’s Day away from Lee. He is sick. He needs his rest. I was going to send him to spend a quiet day with Mamaw while I went to work as usual… but at the very last minute I just couldn’t do it.

After all, he is my Valentine.

Rather, he came along with me as usual… and we attempted to pass the day quietly; as quietly as any day can be passed with two rambunctious boys.


Holidays spent with small children never fail to inject a little joy in your life. They are easy to please. They are quick to be amazed. It takes so little to put a smile on their faces and make their day special that you find yourself looking for ways- hoping for opportunities- making up excuses even when there is no holiday to celebrate.  And bringing out the big guns when there is.


“The big guns” being red construction paper, heart shaped stickers and pipe cleaners for a strange little holiday creation…

…or the play dough, which they cheer for every single time as if they did not just play with it last week…

(and I love the way they inch closer together whenever they sit on the bench.. little buddies, they are)

…or how a heart-shaped sandwich, sprinkles and a silly straw turn an ordinary lunch into a party.

“Oh, happy day!” Liam cheers whenever he sees sprinkles. And it is so sweet that I am tempted to put sprinkles on everything every day.


I had so much planned for our little holiday. I enjoy making my kid happy.  Friends were going to come over for a party. We were going to bake cookies and make a craft and have a wonderful time.  I was disappointed to have to cancel our plans and spend the day instead attempting to occupy two little boys with quiet activities to avoid the coughing fits Liam has been racked with the last few days.

But, you know what? My kid was still pretty happy, I believe.

Because when you are two years old, a cheesy snow globe is a treasured gift. And eating pizza out of the box on the kitchen floor is an adventure.


And watching Tangled and sipping mint tea with Papa is as good a way to spend an evening as anything you can imagine.

We wrapped our evening up with some yummy chocolate mousse (made out of silken tofu- thank you so much for the recipe, Kat!)

And perhaps the antibiotics began to work their magic.. or maybe my baby boy just really likes chocolate because somewhere around bite three, I noticed a sparkle in that kid’s eye.


Was this Mama ever happy to see it return!

(Nana, take note: your grandson’s eyes disappear when he smiles, just like yours… and I love it.)

That sparkle was the best present my little Valentine could have ever given me. Well, and a million chocolate kisses, of course.


Happy St. Valentine’s Day. It was a good one after all.

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Country Mouse

I long for rural and domestic scene, for the warbling of birds and the prattling of my children. 
John Adams

Oh, my.. did we ever have a weekend. I will not go into all the gory details but basically nothing went according to plan.

However, we did manage (eventually) to make it over to visit Uncle Mike, Aunt Kat and Cousin Elliott and while Lee was not 100% (a-yet-to-be-discovered sinus and ear infection, which we thought were only pesky allergies kept him pretty under the weather) we really enjoyed seeing our extended “family.” They spoiled us with really yummy food and lots of sweet cuddles with their precious girl.

Could this baby be any more perfect? The answer to that is no. She is sweet and sassy and oh, so very kissable. Also she loves puppies. A lot.

And her dance moves melt my heart.

There are many different versions of the story of the City Mouse and the Country Mouse. Liam and Elliott are writing one of their very own! (Elliott has cows in her backyard; Liam found this very cool. And he can’t wait to take her to all of his favorite places downtown when she comes to visit.)

They are on the brink of beginning a very sweet childhood friendship. I can feel it.

But until the day comes that they can run and jump and play together, tell each other about their worlds and maybe even share a secret or two, they are quite content in getting to know one another in the casual, quiet way of little ones.

I don’t think we could have had two more precious babies, Kat. I really don’t.

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Live

Where thou art – that – is Home. 
Emily Dickinson

So, my husband and I are just a little bit crazy. And we do things slightly backward from time to time. For instance, we downsized after having  a baby.
Or rather, we downsized after upsizing after having a baby. It’s true.

When Ryan and I found out we were going to be parents, we definitely panicked. It was actually fairly ugly. I am not sure when we are going to break that to Liam. “Yes, son… we were very emotional when we found out we were going to have you. There were tears. Lots and lots and lots of tears.”  That sounds vaguely positive, right?

It was not a proud moment for us.

We were living in a loft apartment at the time and one of the first things that came to mind was that our living arrangements were not ideal for raising a child. If I am perfectly honest, our train of thought went a little bit something like this:

ohmygodhowthehelldidthishappen
werewejusttotallymentallyabsentduringsexed
seriouslywhatarewegoingtodowecan’thaveakid
wedon’tevenhavewalls
weneedwalls
youcan’thaveababywithoutwalls
wallswallswallswallswalls

FIND WALLS GO!

And so… we began looking for a new place.

It is strange because it is all sort of a blur now, but we ended up buying a little two bedroom house. I don’t think we set out to buy; it all just sort of happened. We needed an extra bedroom but we found a house instead.

It was a cute house; it needed some work but it could have been a great house. It was near a part of town we loved. It had a fenced in yard and a great front porch. It had that extra bedroom we needed. Not to mention, the mortgage was less than our current rent. And it had plenty of walls.

Unfortunately, we overlooked one teeny, tiny problem: neither Ryan nor I actually wanted to buy a house.  We are not house people. At least not yet. Some people are house people from the day they are born; others grow into it. We are the latter sort and we aren’t done growing quite yet.

Ryan hates yard work. I don’t like having to fix things when they are broken. Neither of us liked feeling so very settled; knowing we could not leave easily if life called us elsewhere. It felt like a dead end and not the new beginning that so many others find in the purchasing of their first home. It appeared we had jumped the gun on the whole house-buying thing.

A little over a year later, Ryan and I sat looking at each other on the couch. And we finally admitted that our house was a mistake.

That was a hard moment. But it was also great. You should have been there. Or maybe not because it probably would have been pretty awkward for you.

So, we sold it. Eventually, we found a cute apartment in a great neighborhood and snagged it.

It only has one bedroom.


Living in a one-bedroom apartment with a small child has its disadvantages. For one, there is no yard to throw my kid into. I am pretty sure backyards have saved more than a couple of kid’s lives, mine included, and certainly more than a few parents’ sanity.  I am pretty much stuck with Liam during the day no matter how either of us are feeling because it does not matter where I go in the house, I am basically within arm’s distance (this can be an advantage though… like that time Liam ate a dime, or started peeing on the floor, or climbed on top of the kitchen table or fell down, or fell down, or fell down…)

Also, Liam does not have the room other children have to accumulate a ridiculous number of toys and we have to be very selective about what comes into the house. Again, this can be an advantage, but every once in awhile.. I find an awesome train table on Craigslist for $45 and want nothing more than to get it but know I have no place to put it… and then it sucks.

Housework is also somewhat concentrated in a small space. You would think that less room would equal less housework, but that is far too logical. Actually, having less space means that three blocks, a plastic truck and a stuffed rabbit left on the floor essentially amounts to a “huge mess” and inevitably leads to someone tripping over something or worse. Therefore, you have to be picking up constantly just to survive…

… and do not even get me started about the dog hair.

I think the time Ryan and I miss having a bigger place the most is when one of us needs more sleep or is sick and we really have no quiet place we can rest since our bedroom is also the living room. So then you generally have a 2 year old sitting on your head at some point while the other parent is apologizing and throwing on their jacket to take Liam to the mall or whatever so you can just get a couple of hours of sleep.

Yep. Sometimes, you need walls.

However, all of the amazing things we gain from raising our son here far outnumber anything negative. Living in a tiny space with a rambunctious toddler generally means one thing: on any given day, you are not going to be in that space for very long. We will soon find ourselves propelled out into the world. We will have wild adventures.

Our kid might not have a swing in his backyard…or even an actual backyard (in the literal sense), but he has his pick of any number of parks and playgrounds.


There is a children’s museum and an art museum and an aquarium for rainy days. The library. The river. The carousel. The zoo. Fountains. Outdoor concerts. Ice cream shops. Coffee shops. Bakeries. Dog parks. Organic grocery stores. Boutiques.

 

We ride the bus to get around and it is the very best part of any trip we take. Liam would ride the bus all day if we let him; waving hello to everyone who gets on, sitting in all the seats, hanging onto the poles, repeating the name of each stop, talking to the bus driver and sticking his head out the window. Public transportation rocks.

We enjoy free music in the summer, free movies in the park. There are bridges to cross and steps to climb and sculptures to talk about wherever we turn. We walk to get sushi or pizza or fried chicken or hamburgers when we are hungry and don’t want to cook. We meet new people every day.  There is always somewhere to go and something to see. We are never, ever bored.

And the very best part of all? Our family lives our life together. Our small quarters mean we spend our time at home together and when we venture out into the world, we usually do it together. We experience everything as a family and while there are definitely days when the lack of personal space can make you feel a little crazy…mostly, it is the best thing that has ever happened to us.

Our house may be tiny, but our backyard is HUGE. And we are ridiculously happy.

I wouldn’t trade it for the world.

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